My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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