If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
