dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
