Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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