I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
