Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
