life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
