Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
