I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
