that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
