I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
