And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
