...so i touched it.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
