I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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