Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
