definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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