tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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