I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
