On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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