I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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