i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
