I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
