Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
