You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
