It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
