oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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