it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
