Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
