He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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