so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
