dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
