Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
