Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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