Just cropdusted the office
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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