I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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