we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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