I look better un-naked...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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