hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
