now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
