Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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