I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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