all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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