so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
