the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Why is your signature on my underwear?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
