dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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