Having a random hookup so left but love u
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
