I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
