..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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