duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Randomize
