She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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