So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She announced her abortion via fbk
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
